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How to behave at a BDSM party

From the book BDSM – A guide for extreme erotism explorers (by Ayzad)

  • Nobody has to do anything. If you are proposed something you don’t like, a smile and a simple “no, thanks” will be enough
  • Please also respect those ideas you don’t agree with. If you don’t wish to see an activity or a person, you can move just a bit away from them
  • You need to be sober to do these things. Therefore please avoid alcoholic excesses and don’t even think doing drugs. As a matter of fact, pointing users to the staff is a very good idea
  • Yes, there are slaves at these parties. No, they aren’t your slaves and you can’t afford to treat them any less respectfully than normal, unless you are specifically authorized to
  • Don’t touch anyone without asking permission first. This goes for fondling as much as other kinds of touching: the fact that someone is nude, smiling and sporting a large piercing doesn’t constitute an authorization to tease it
  • If you want to start a conversation with a couple, talk with the dominant partner first – and never during a session or immediately after it, before they have fully recovered
  • If you want to watch someone’s play activities, keep a respectful distance at all times and don’t be a nuisance. If they want other persons in, they’ll propose it themselves
  • To those playing it is really annoying to hear comments – especially if negative – from onlookers, and while focused it’s easy to catch even whispers. Surely you can contain yourself!
  • If you are asked to move away from a play session do it without discussions – there surely are excellent reasons to, even if you may be not immediately aware of them
  • If you see a session you judge dangerous or non-consensual don’t interrupt it, but point it immediately to the staff. Managing these things is their job…
  • If you want to use any implement, bring it from home: the club does provide some toys beside the furniture, but using your own tools is encouraged. Also, the best rule to follow is: one implement, one person – which is also ideal to avoid any risk of potential transmission of diseases
  • Follow the usual SSC principle, and demand that your play partners respect it as well
  • Be sensible with sex games: the club always provides free condoms
  • If you are planning a particularly demanding session for space, time or implements, call the club in advance to check if it is actually possible to perform it, and maybe  to get the staff help
  • When you’re through playing put everything back in its place to allow others to use the area, and clean anything you may have soiled
  • When the party is over, avoid talking about the guests with those who didn’t attend. Not everyone likes his activities and partners to be known